Open,

Thank you so much for your response. Your compassion, encouragement and support are so appreciated.

I definitely had a lot of influence at an early age that has resulted in deeply-rooted habits of self-doubt, self-judgment, shame, not being enough, etc. I understand at an intellectual level that those are just programs and am beginning to incorporate the truth into my belief system and my knowing. I understand, too, that the programs are just illusions that I am creating so that I can learn to face and transcend them. I appreciate the suggestion to shift my focus to feel more the sense of myself – I think that will help me put the intellectual knowing into an experiential practice and close the gap. I have started to experience feelings of sensing myself from time to time and it feels really good to get out of my head and allow myself to just feel and express – it’s like I’m getting to know my true self.

There are also times when I naturally feel terrific – on top of the world. I feel as one with everything and I even feel the One that I truly am. Sometimes, then, that becomes too overwhelming, and I have to pull back from it. It is like a crazy roller coaster ride! I think that I am “testing out the waters” of experiencing Oneness and learning to become comfortable with it.

I have been doing more of the things that I enjoy doing, despite so many other things on my plate. It feels like a trade-off -- even with the things that I enjoy, I realize that I can't do them all every day, so I choose a few that I do that day, then the next day I do some of the other fun things. I also have to be careful that the fun things don’t start to become obligations when I push to make sure I do them – then they are not fun things anymore! I think that once I learn to identify the sense of rightness you mentioned versus running the programs of what I should be doing or what I think that others want me to do, it will become much easier for me to connect with the sense of myself and hear my inner guidance.

The article that you provided on the Sacred Ground of Being was also very helpful. I love the part that says that the more you centre in the experience of your practice, the more mystical and magical your life will become. I understand that the circumstances of my life do not have to be a certain way for me to feel and embrace the magic. I am excited about that!!

I have done some work with Openhand facilitator Jen and plan to continue to do so as I am able. She has been an invaluable help to me. I am also reading 5Gateways and it is helping put the pieces together. All of the resources that Openhand has provided and continues to provide are deeply appreciated.

Much Love,
Cheryl