Hi Open, thanks for giving me some valuable pointers.
Over the years I have had that situation where I have helped people, particularly in work, and then been frustrated when I needed the help from the same people, it would not be reciprocated and I would feel a 'mug'. I would then resolve to be tougher and not so helpful, but as I was not resolving the underlying imbalance, it would not feel authentic and I would drift back.
I do see that there should be a pause before I commit to something, and observe my reaction.
People know say I am very confident with people, and will talk to anyone. and have been able to overcome my original social terror in casual situations, but I do struggle when the interaction becomes personal and deeper. It is like a contradiction where I am okay to to get up in front of others and not worry if I make a fool of myself, but on a one to one I feel the contractions.

So I begin again, but with a positive heart, to start to release the other rays, and will see where it leads me. Thank you so much. Mark