As I am reading what your sharing I am deeply moved. I have also struggled with trust and the feeling of being supported all my life and have just recently come to some deeper connection and understanding of how this has hijacked and directed much of my life. It has been a very painful realization. I can speak directly as to how much this work has transformed my life and it has been such an incredible gift for me. It has changed my life in so many ways and I have seen it do that for others. I am in awe of where you are on your journey just through your own realizations and love to read what you share as I resonate with much of it. What I feel to share is to follow what feels right for you now because I can see how the lessons of not letting go and trusting in the flow or the universe will only create more intense circumstances for you have to let go into. I have resisted long enough and am being challenged to my edge at the moment. I guess we all have to find the edge for us where we can soften into but not be pushed beyond our abilities and boundaries at the moment. Wishing you well.
Kim