Something I'm dealing with as well.

When im with kids in the institutions, I see two different states - either I succumb to the control, the expectation placed on me. I call it the survivalist attitude. And I dont enjoy the class anymore because the more subtle vibration like the connection with kids, laughter, love and joy gets buried under the need to make it in life. But sometimes I'm completely myself there, confidently connecting with everyone, my unique authentic vibrations come through. There is less fear of mistakes, less control and more vulnerability and creativity. <An unusual spider just walked right into my smartphone while typing. I wonder what that means!>

It's especially tough because I know I'm the only one with this attitude. Everyone else, just does what they have always done with the supposed excuse of ' we are only doing this for the benifit of kids'. There is some truth in this, I know but not all. Where I feel the truth is that I can easily get driven around by the kids as I question my own inauthenticity. And if not I would lose my mind there. So it's a thin line. I see for what it really is, an institution of control, me, the kids, teachers and parents all placed in it playing our part. I feel in my heart, it's not where we are supposed to belong, but here we are walking though out stuff and finding the light through it all, me and them. Maybe theres a better way, but not yet.