Hi Open,

I hear what you're saying. I tend to still see things as planned and intentional. I find myself lately muttering "Please just give me another year or two to really let go and align." Thinking things revolve around me, when I should be learning to go with the flow. I want to ready but am accepting I may not be and learning to be okay with that, because I feel it's an ego thing to need to 'make it'. I'm not longer pushing myself to fit where I'm not ready to fit. The more I push myself to try to reach an outcome, the more I get resentful and retreat, going back to the old comforts. Because I still have more to unravel.

I agree that as things ramp up, I feel more compelled to be more committed to my work, but fear and not feeling ready to let go yet keep me hoping there's still time before I dive in fully. A bit frustrating for the part of me who's ready for it all to blow up and my soul to come through at last. See what's on the other side. I do consider at times if maybe a big ructuon in my life wouldn't help expedite things, but knowing myself is probably just shut down if it's too soon. I'm still quite tender.

Meantime I'm taking small steps even though often they're backward. But the will is there, just need to do more digging still.

Thanks for the insight! Barb