As I've gone deeper into what I was projecting re my judgment of David Bowie having sex with an underage teenage girl, I recently had an aha moment of what I was denying/judging about myself. And that was around the question you posed, Open, asking if there is any difference between the rape of an animal and the rape of a human. I admit that when you posed this question, I was shocked. I recoiled as in asking, "How can you POSSIBLY compare the two?" However, I held an open space to explore further. This past week I was drawn to watch the new documentary "Unity" which I recently posted on the Openhand forum. I felt physically sick watching it and cried throughout. The pain I felt was excruciating. Excruciating enough to break through my conditioning and feel the truth of what you said: There is no difference between raping an animal and raping a human. Hence, the title of the documentary, "Unity." We are, indeed, One. I could feel this.

Over the holiday season, I decided to eat fish on a few occasions. I was feeling totally fed up denying myself foods I had enjoyed eating before I transitioned to becoming vegan these past few years. I became obsessed with eating fish 'n chips. And so I did. But I couldn't accept my feelings and at some level judged myself as weak, inhumane, lacking resolve and discipline. So I projected those feelings outwards re my reaction to Bowie. While watching "Unity", I was horrified by the scenes which show people eating fish while they're still alive. I could feel the pain of the fish so acutely. Now I feel truly aligned with compassionate, vegan eating.

In relation to all of this, the outer mirror is inviting me to go deeper into the difference between judgment and discernment. In other words, embracing more fully non-judgmental discernment. I'm feeling into the various ways I respond to living in this effed up matrix full of injustice, violence, and exploitation. I escape through a variety of distractions to numb the pain. I also feel the allurement of wrapping myself up in a false bubble of love and light, ignoring the outer mirror. And I indulge in separating myself from all that is heartbreaking by absolving myself of collective and individual responsibility through finger pointing. I'm beginning to feel into how to witness and feel the pain without judging it and without turning a blind eye to it. Nothing is out there. Everything is in here. I have a ways to go with this.

Thank you for the safe and loving space to explore and unwind.

With Love,

Catherine