I left something out in my recounting of Part III.

By the time I had reached college, I had spent years studying metaphysical abilities(mental, spiritual, etc.). When I had tried everything to get rid of the entity in my room--I performed one last-ditch effort:

I renounced and mentally shut off all of the abilities I had taught myself over the years. When I did that--the creature left me alone. The very moment I did that, I felt as if I ripped a part of my very soul out of my body. I wish I could explain how devastating and painful it felt. All of the things I could see, feel and do--I had lost forever. The moment I made that choice, I knew that I somehow could never go back.

Over the years I have tried to reconnect with the awareness and abilities I had before--all to no avail.

There was one door that was left open for me that I discovered two years later. I had started taking Tae Kwon Do, and was heavily meditating(1.5-3 hrs) every single day. While I no longer had access to the mental/perceptual side of the spiritual abilities I once had, I found that I had developed very strong physical capabilities.

I learned to use my energy to enhance my physical capabilities beyond my normal physical limits--but something wasn't right. I was only able to tap into--and use--this energy through the use of my emotions of rage and anger. When I meditated, I used images of scenarios that would cause me pain/anger and use those emotions to fuel my newfound strength.

I started to become very brooding and developed very hostile views towards humanity. I saw humanity as a virus; one that needed to be controlled or extinguished. I thought about all the things I could do with my quickly developing skills/strength.

As I was sitting in class one morning, I drifted off to sleep as my professor was talking. The moment my eyes closed, I was filled with a force and power that I had never experienced before. At that moment I knew NOTHING was beyond my limits. Whatever I wanted to achieve in life was now within my grasp!

I immediately began to fear this strength and the monster I was becoming and swore to myself that I would never seek power through methods like that ever again. And thus, the final door to the spiritual closed before me. Sadly, I still stand by my choice as I still don't know what caused the sudden change in me. I was(and still am) positive that I was going down an extremely dark road.

Since college I have felt...incomplete...for lack of a better word. Having seemingly lost all connections to the spiritual, I have turned my focus to science and mathematics in an attempt to at least try to live out a decent and fulfilling life. It's hard because throughout my entire life, I have always felt that the world we live in is...wrong! That our focus on science, which has made life more convenient in many regards, is not the life we were meant to live. I have always felt that I live in two worlds: one natural and always out of my reach, and one unnatural that I am forced to exist in.

There are many things that I have seen, experienced and done in my life that I have never told anyone outside of one person because of how crazy and outlandish it all seems. There were many times when I had even questioned my own sanity. But the things that I have experienced--sometimes with people around me--let me know that it's not just all in my head.

I guess I will wait for the new version of the 5GATEWAYS to be released--unless you strongly feel I should get the current version now.

Thank you for your response. I will spend some time reading up on the info in this website. I hope that I will find something that will aid me in getting back on the right path.

Best Regards,
Lawrence