Thank you so much Open for this explanation! It touches upon my struggle (perceived so by the relative, separate self of course) I'm dealing with for a while. I had to re-read your reply a couple of times to grasp it but each time it becomes a bit clearer. The plus and minus equation is really helpful. It really works for me!

This paradox of being and not-being is a bitter pil to swallow sometimes for me. I'm also yearning for the full expression of soul in this relativistic experience. And of course the loss of the perspective of the absolute is what causes the suffering for me (or the separate self again). I do not fully understand the 'why' of it all but what I seem to be experiencing is the progressive 'download' of the soul and with that, ultimately, the perspective of the Void of presence. I feel that in this life it's all about embodied enlightenment. It's the ability to be able to be conscious all of the time in the densest of experiences (or so I believe now). But I recon it's also 'a desire' for consciousness to to fully enjoy the relativistic experience instead of just trying to transcend it. The old Indian spirituality seemed to be only interested in transcending the physical as if the where only a prison from which to escape. But that doesn't make sense to me: why would you as pure consciousness project yourself in a relativistic experience if your only goal was to escape it? Why then incarnate in the first place? You might as well stayed at home! So I figure there must be anther reason why the simultaneous out-breath and in-breath is taking place. Maybe evolution has a direction and is not just the merry-go-around of the cycle of death and rebirth? Maybe (just for the adventure of it) its innate direction or striving is to absorb so much light in it that at one point (which will never be achieved) it perfectly mimics the absolute Void. So then existence would not only be about transcendence but also about transformation. And enjoyment....playfulness. These enquiries became important to me because I was wondering why the heck my spiritual journey coincided with these urges to create art. Why would that matter if my existence revolved only around transcendence? Why do more and more people use more and more of their 'junk'-dna? Why are there children born with more then three dna-strands? Creation seems to be heading somewhere....has a certain direction. Creation itself seems to matter not just consciousness. Guess more answers will come when I integrate more of the real Me.

patience Appie, patience