I just feel like sharing this…somehow, spontaneously it feels like being the right time and place:
The last weeks and days I suppressed the feelings regarding the 21st. I was not listening to anything else but my mind. And at the same time I was unable to stay focused. 1 week ago I increasingly felt the density and tightness…in my legs, pelvis and lower back. Dense food. Dense thoughts. Nausea. I didn`t allow myself to really go into it. I had intense feelings of inferiority and compliancy. It all culminated around midday of the 21st … then suddenly I felt uplifted and strong. I was withstanding every pull back into density.
Went back home for Christmas. Released a lot of tension. I went from the matrix into the familiar warm nest. 2 days ago there was another shift. Anger, fear, pain. Restlessness… coming out of nowhere. I went outside and found myself standing in the dark. Barefoot. Full of fear and panic. Cold around me, I could feel the frozen earth beneath my feet. I could feel something very dark around me, coming towards me rapidly. The only thing that I could think of was: “Take it from me”! And my mind had no idea what I was talking about. With my arms spread out and repeating it ever and ever again I felt the darkness getting more dense and running towards me. It felt like more than only my own darkness. More than I was able to confront. Then there was fear of death… it was too much to bear. I ran back inside, fleeing and not able to confront it. I pretended everything was fine but 5 min later I followed the pull to lie down on the floor and feel into it. To let go.
Then my prayer seemed to be answered… I felt a vibration around my feet, my hands. Then my whole right side was opening up to a kind of benevolent, vibrating light. My fear was gone. I let it in. It filled my whole body. Every corner. I felt everything at the same time. I felt my skin…which was the most fascinating thing!
My thoughts were guiding this vibrating, viscous fluid inside of me into every part of my body …with the intention to cleanse it from something. It felt like a breath of life.
Then the doorbell rang… I had friends coming over for dinner. My mind was calling me back into “real life”. The matrix was dragging me back.
With every outbreath I pulled the light through my mouth out of my body. And with it went something. I don`t know what.
I got up. My voice sounded differently. I could hear it through my body. I could feel every part of my skin. Painful and wonderful at the same time. This lasted until the next day… and with it came a “bad cold”, my whole body was in pain. It feels like my body was not ready to cope with that infusion of light or whatever it was. I am still in that process… and not really sure what it was that got me in that state.
Went for a walk today. At the shore of a lake I was standing again with my hands opened up. Kneeling on the ground and washing my hands in the clearest water. It felt like a baptism.
Then a melody and these words came into my mind and out of my mouth.

Say it loud
And say it clear
Right from the heart
Without any of your fears
You`ve got it all right there in your hands
In your heart
In your love

Sounds like a message:)
And now I can hear this little dwarf in my head again telling me I`m making it all up. Well I still have a “cold”:) I know I´m processing something and that should be enough proof for my mind.