Dear Apollonius ,

I just had to share this with you. Today I took a deep breath and felt I to all the pain I could. And then spontaneously I saw images of my father ,his parents . I saw and felt their pain . My Grandfather lost his brother in a boating accident ,my grandma was treated badly by her in-laws perhaps out of insecurity ,etc. I just felt like I connected with the all the human hurt and foibles and pain and anger of that line . And suddenly I could see why I had such guilt about my Dad ( I couldn't save him from the pain ! ) . I also may have been his Mom who died early . It wasn't a forced intellectual conversation . I think it came from me being willing to feel in to the pain of that part of my family and engage with it in a very physical way. The pain in my left side has decreased but not entirely gone away. I am feeling lighter and much more alive somehow .

I walk in the forest tomorrow - looking forward to that !

PS My dad's estranged sister contacted me today about selling off property that belongs to the family .

Megha