Hi Guys,

Thank you for sharing David. I would like to see the pictures of the cabin too.
This is an interesting topic... For me, not because i strive for success but because i am afraid that if i try i can be very good or if i try i may as well fail. i see it in many aspects of my life.
i am afraid of disappointment and failure. So i dont put much effort or i am not trying 100% so that if i fail i am not disappointed because i didnt really try... I also think i am afraid of my own potential. another reason is that i havent struggled much in my life. So when something needs more effort i dont put much energy into it.
To give you some examples. I play guitar. I usually practice a piece a couple of times and then i can play it. And there was one piece, it wasnt so difficult but for some reason i couldnt play it.. so i would just skip it without practicing harder. Ironically it was my favorite piece.. and i still wouldnt get into it and try to practice and at the same time i was pissed at my self that i couldnt play it. And one day it hitted me.. that i have to put more effort and it doesnt matter if i still dont manage to play it. it sounds funny to say that i wouldnt realise this simple thing. And it took me a long time until i managed to play that piece.
Another thing i see is the way i approached studying while i was in Uni. I was staying all night awake to start and finish the assignment. I didnt have time to reread it and correct my mistakes. And i was happy with the grade i would get because i didnt try hard and i didnt have time.. so it was okk if it wasnt the highest mark i could get. And i now know that if i tried more i could get a first class degree. But i didnt. And i was telling to my self that i didnt care about law or the grades. But didnt i? or that i was bored with the subjects but was i? well i was definitely bored with some but not all. I knew that i could get a high mark but still i wasnt trying to get one.
There are two reasons i think. One i know i can be very good as a lawyer but i am afraid of diving into it and that i may be good and two, if i try i dont accept that i may fail.. Its like failure is not an option for me but because it may happen i dont commit to something.. Wow i didnt know i was that proud :p I remember one time i went to a math competition. i did horribly in that competition. After that and up until i graduated high school i was happy if i could get 10 out of 20 in the tests. :p It was like everything was blocked.
And its strange because i am very proud and i know that in some things i can be good but at the same time i dont believe in my self. Hows that possible?
I see that in walking the spiritual path. I am never sure of what i feel or i dont believe i can listen to my soul. i dont believe in my instinct etc.. And i think because i am afraid of failing because i am not 'good'and at the same time i know i can do it, i dont commit 100% to it. does it make any sense?? :p

hugs
Vaso