Hi All,

Recently I've been working through the steps leading up to the Gateway 2 transition. I've gotten to the point where I'm completely ready to let go to my soul, even though I get lost and sucked back into the old consciousness every now and then. A few days ago I followed a pull to leave my high school and go to a nature park. This is what I interpret to be "following your joy", or at least the beginning of it for me, to start breaking up my conditioning. I stayed for 2 days and nights, until my parents came and found me. I had some deep experiences there, aligning with much of the advice from the 5 Gateways book for Gateway 2.

On my journey, I started "seeking" 8 months ago, then gradually began to awaken myself with spiritual texts and practices. I never really felt full commitment to self-realization until about a month ago, and during this month I have been sliding in and out of conscious commitment and unconscious conditioning. I really never felt "profound bliss", although I have had some beautiful, although short, periods of intense joy. I have also had experiences of deep peace and expansive lightness, although many of these were interrupted by my constrictive environment / conditioning. Now my general state is relaxed contentment, even though I'm still feeling my egoic self and its negative charges due to attachments. I worked through many of my fears in the past two months, going deeply into many and "releasing" them - I felt these energy flows, moving out through the top chakras, as if the convoluted energy was being released/dissolved.

I have lived in my current environment for 6 years, most of which have been filled with deep negativity and suffering. The energy field of the house I live in and the school I go to are quite low, which is the reason I was compelled to leave to the nature park. I had planned to begin walking the path there, and I did successfully for some periods of time, but perhaps my attachments to my old living environment drew me back. Nonetheless, I spoke with my parents tonight and made it absolutely clear that I am beginning to walk my path, where I pointed at leaving - they seemed not to be able to accept that. They both responded deeply negatively, and I tried very hard to surrender all internal efforting and negative/unconscious energy surfacing. Now, both are intent on homeschooling/keeping me here, where I plan to leave. I have actually attempted to "run away" 6 times, from the time of my pre-awakening to awakening, although some times I came back and others my parents found me. I feel suffocated in this environment and my soul has been pushing me to leave for a long time.

I do not fear the uncertainty of leaving as a 16 year old as much, for I felt a great sense of release and liberation when I was in nature recently. I internally worked through my attachments to the needs for material manifestation at the park (my intentions have become quite strong) and I am ready to be fully willing and committed to walking the path. Although I often constrict in my current living environment, I know that a shift to living in nature will fully allow me to unfold. I do have a question though - where would you estimate me to be in my unfolding? I am fully committed to leaving and following my soul, although my experiences differ slightly from the openhand ones. As I said, I've either missed the bliss part or not realized what it was when I was having it. I did have a few experiences where my senses made a dramatic leap through breathing deeply, although the old consciousness of my environment has always sucked me back. I believe the reason I haven't felt as much joy as described has been my large attachments to unhappiness/negativity, that I've been confronted to let go of.

Thank you for transitioning these gateways and brining the routemap forth for us, pioneering it first!

Grant