I think it is hard to even try to describe how powerful and dangerous the deception is...

After years of walking the path and experiencing myself as the soul I somehow got totally engrossed back in the system, without noticing. Little and big choices, one by one, brought me to situations where I was degraded and put back to sleep. At some point I really couldn't tell what's right anymore. So I just wandered blindly from one experience to the next, including traumatic situations, until my mind gave up and I started experiencing yearly psychotic episodes. In psychosis there is no awareness, no insight, and at some points no even consciousness ( people told me I've done this and that, but I couldn't remember because I simply was not there). When there is no consciousness at all, how can you navigate? You can't. Something else takes over. And this is now a total madness on one hand, and on the other, it is experiencing death while being alive. I know somebody who committed suicide in psychotic state. This is how far the deception can go. It goes beyond what you eat, wear, use at home, and who you communicate with, how you exist.

For the last three years I've been recovering from the last, very traumatising psychotic state. I was fearful, tight, dense and completely spiritually lost during this time. You can say I was sucked back into the Matrix, acting like a usual hypnotised average humanoid.

Recently it feels like I woke up from the slumber... The wake up call happened after a friend convinced me to do a three-day fast drinking water only. Suddenly I woke up from coma, realising everything that transpired over the last 11 years - it was like flowing in the river that went wild hitting rocks all over the place, doing crazy things, experiencing totally new levels of pain.

So even though the entities are in 4 D, but the influence permeates through 3D, and it goes into the psyche, into the mind and body. And sometimes, when going into the density to experience and process stuff, you don't know whether you'll come out of it alive, forget 'spiritual'. All our "safe" environment is really not safe at all! It provides roof, stuff and food. But it can easily take one's life, and it definitely shuts the soul.

I don't know if there would be a better path for me, if I made different choices at the time, but now, looking back, from all this experience I feel like it would probably go smoother if I surrounded myself by aligned people and nature, and really made choice not to get involved with anything that is not that.

Right now I partially live my life that was generated when I was in "coma", and learning to flow again. There are still many fears, like the one to lose my shit again, or, in other words, lose connection and consciousness again, the other fear is that of getting swallowed back into the Matrix again, that the system will through some bate into my subconsciousness, where I have a blind spot, and I will take the bate. So I am also learning to thread slowly and extremely carefully. Synchronistically, I saw a big turtle statue in the botanical garden on Saturday. So now I feel like I am entering a new phase - walking a minefield, and this time being aware that I am walking a minefield and can get trapped and messed up at any moment. Just remember - the Matrix is NOT safe.

Just to add that at the moment I don't know a more 'safe' (talking about safety) place than Openhand. It will rock and stir you to the bones, but it helps to see the hidden inner stuff, trigger points and the bigger picture, and this is very important when dealing with the system and deception - to see and deal with stuff internally, and acting from a place of relative, continually renewed alignment. Anything telling or offering anything else is probably deception.

That's it.

Much love

Yulia