Truth is I'm not connected enough with higher self yet to confidently make these inquiries. Still teaching myself presence and dwelling in sgob. Returning back to myself everytime something out there distracts me or I'm triggered. I feel I've had inadvertent glimpses of what seemed to be past lives but how can I know they weren't just my imagination or something I saw on the tube? I had a dream once I was in a place where the sky and water were green, with red, rocky projections similar to those in Navajo country. How can I tell if this was "real" or imagination? And if real, how can I dive deeper to investigate? I seem to glean higher information passively. I fall into the flow without intending it and things come to me. But if I consciously set out to receive info, it doesn't come. More practice.

Doesn't "healing" our distortions realign our ancestors distortions automatically? Is it possible we could have been our own ancestors at some point? I feel there's a lot of pride coming from my father that covers deep hurt and betrayal, and taking on an imperialistic and entitled attitude to cover up insecurities and fears. Being so consumed by appearances. And intellectual elitism. I feel thats part of what's been passed to me. My mother being traumatized and rejected by her own mother and not having known stability or self-reliance and thus becoming needy and clinging to anyone who would take care of her. Such a deep fear of not knowing how to take care of herself and depending so much on my father. And that people-pleasing/controlling that comes from deep insecurity and rejection. I wonder how far back this goes. My parents were in Prague when the Nazis rolled in. Or was it the Russians? It may have been both, but point is my family knew war first-hand. My father was told by his mother that when she was pregnant with him he would jump in her womb every time a bomb dropped. He struggled with demons (hope it's ok I'm telling people your story mom and dad) and drank since a young age.

I know I have prophetic dreams, but am I able to access my remote memory, and again: how do I know if it's real? And the few glimpses I may have had don't go that far, maybe a couple hundred years the most.

I wonder if any of my ancestors are around? I feel like maybe my father is sometimes, I do still talk to him. I had a vision or dream recently, can't remember which, that my mother (she passed over 20 years ago) was sitting in front of me with her head turned away and the sense was she was presenting herself to me but wasn't sure if I'd reject her or not, because ive had a lot of anger towards her. So I guess the way to go is start where you are and work you way back?

Some positive traits I carry are the love of nature and animals, almost an affinity. I never feel better anywhere than when I'm in nature. Evergreen trees in particular make me feel like I'm surrounded by friends and protectors. I was walking my dog once at a campground and when we went to the back area we were encircled by several small owls and they seemed to be very fascinated by me and a couple of them swooped down so close to me I actually ducked. I went to the zoo and a seal seemed riveted by me, my friend even commented on it. Walking home in the middle of the night in my teens I saw 3 guys approaching. Right then a white dog came out of nowhere it seemed and trotted along with me until the guys passed. And water. I live close to a big Lake and sometimes I'll unexpectedly catch a glimpse of the water and get this intense feeling of joy and excitement, like seeing home after a long travel.

And I always felt drawn to performing, which I started to pursue at one point in my life until I convinced myself it was ego-driven and I was only doing it to get the attention I felt I lacked from my parents. Which was partly true, but the desire to perform has always been part of my nature, since my first school play when I was 5-6. I did another play later and despite some stage-fright before I came on, felt so at ease and in my element it's like I was made for it. Could this have been a past life? No one else in my immediate family had this calling.

Some of my karma seems to be to let go of the need and sense of obligation to protect and take care of my children and let them find their own way. Ive come to believe of late that my sisters followed me from a past life as my children and one of them literally still expects me to take care of her and "feed" her my energy. It's a trauma bond for sure but could it be further than this lifetime? And that intense duality of my needy mother and insecure father. I feel like I am both of them inside, and can't integrate the two, they're so different. How far back does it go?

Very much appreciate any input or thoughts!🙏🤍✨