This inquiry has stirred up quite a bit in me and I have all of these thoughts, emotions and feelings stirring around in me at the moment.  I feel it definitely speaks to a dynamic that I've had close relationship to in this lifetime.  I'm going to do my best to make this as coherent as possible.  The first thing that comes up for me is that when I get this desire to share about something, I get flooded with all this information at one time and it all makes sense to me, and I feel pulled to share, but there is an aspect that is playing itself out within my being that talks me off the ledge and gets me to retreat.  I fought this dynamic this morning, but my soul pull was stronger so here I am sharing with you all.  This voice said, "get up and write, share".

I've been on this course the past 5 weeks about looking into and healing/integrating ones CPTSD - Complex Post Traumatic Stress Disorder.  CPTSD, a mental health condition that develops after prolonged or repeated exposure to traumatic events, such as abuse, neglect, or violence.  I would say that our civilization was birthed out of one big collective trauma.  With this being said most of us have all adopted trauma responses to our not so nice life experiences.  

One of the things I've noticed over the past 5 weeks is this dynamic being played out.  There is this struggle and tension between the masculine and feminine energies being played out.  I've experienced it firsthand in my own intimate relationship.  To give you some context, married 14 years to a female law enforcement officer, I've been a stay-at-home dad for 9 years to 4 daughters.  I've reflected upon this dynamic for some time now about what it all speaks to in my soul's evolutionary journey.  This struggle for power has been playing out in this dynamic for many years, distorted masculine energy (my wife) and distorted feminine energy(myself).  I've been witnessing and feeling this dynamic playout for years now.  It has reached its crescendo point within our relating dynamic, we are faced with a choice point.  Self-reflect and self realize; evolve or get devoured by this energy that I feel is not just specific to my situation.  I feel this dynamic is being played out across the globe and as you can see with my own experience it isn't gender specific.  What has allowed me to see this more clearly is the soul embodiment work I've been a part of for many years now.  I'm learning that I have to take responsibility for this dynamic unfolding in my reality, what am I to learn from this life experience.

What is coming up on this course is the need to be seen and validated about one's experience.  I can totally relate to this feeling but at what point does one just give their power and sovereignty over to the other.  Being a man this dynamic can play out both ways regardless of gender.  

Distorted empathy comes to mind for me.  What is the difference between aligned and grounded empathy versus fake empathy?  People feel they're healing and integrating past traumas but there is a sense of keeping one another stuck and paralyzed too, in the story of it all.    

I haven't got to this point in the course yet but there is an element of this journey that is all about re-parenting oneself.  This feels in line with what is being discussed here, learning how integrate and align with the divine masculine and divine feminine within, without needing anything from the external to validate this deep and intimate inner process.  Arriving at a place of knowing, a felt sense, this is who I feel pulled to be now no matter what!  I feel that the thought of the sigma masculine archetype is one thing and truly embodying it is another thing.  I guess this is part of what the work is all about, inquiring and seeing how this dynamic is showing up in your life to learn, grow and evolve.  

I appreciate the space to share.

With love and gratitude,

Chad