Thank you for this reply and your insights, so grateful to you. Deeply troubling I'm in this state. But I'm fully aware that I chose my lot every step of the way, and if I have to learn to let go the hard way that has to happen. I'm in the best place for this work; a group home for dysfunctional women. I have my whole family here in many iterations. I see myself in all their dysfunctional behaviours. Huge bell-ringer with benevolent intent; that's been a huge reciprocal theme in relationships. As someone with borderline personality my whole life my relationships have usually been a dynamic of people-pleasing or manipulation. In the manipulation state is where that Ra energy of benevolent INTENT is employed, and I've been on both ends. This a huge theme with many of the women here at Dawn house, so it's as you said, soul will bring me where I need to be. I confess though at first my usual defence mech of avoidance kicked in, but now I've been here some time I've found some courage and make a point of going down to the common room as much as possible to interact and face whatever comes up through the dynamic that day. Baby steps. Very fitting.

Highly motivated to do regression work but unsure of how to facilitate this on a very low budget. Would very much appreciate suggestions.

Can I infer by one of the statements that I'm a young soul? That would be intriguing. Little i certainly still feels like a child but I think it's from being stuck in the ages where the trauma was worst. Lack of proper socialization had me clueless until well into adulthood, but many many times Ive had the feeling I might have been an animal in past life, so I wouldn't be surprised I'm a young soul. Plus the fact Im always asking questions like a child, have to know every detail about every detail. But then why such a traumatic life this life? Maybe it's the proximity to the Event that begs urgency for learning? So stuck in the trauma though. No, that's not it. I cling to the trauma. I won't let go. In fairness though I'm 52 and only just began facing myself the last few years. Perhaps I just need more time. But last night in a fit of frustration I said to myself "you know maybe it's time to just get t.f. over it! Not to be unsupportive or invalidate it's impact, but dwelling in it is getting srsly self-indulgent and I want to move on. So tired of living this small, ossified life." I feel like something wants to burst out of me like an alien. Apropos. So the inquiry is why am I still holding on? What won't I let go of and why. But I already have the answers and it's just time for aligned action. Im good at inquiring and planning, and even starting. Staying the course is where I buckle. Never taught discipline, and not strong enough yet to sit with a lot of the discomfort so I still do what I saw growing up: take the quick and dirty way out of my pain. I must become my own parent and find the will. The pain of staying stuck this way is a great motivator though, and slowly but surely I'm finding more courage.

This has been eye-opening and motivating, thank you again for your guidance and support. Love barb 🙏🤍

P.S. I can't remember, does one need to be grounded with Gaia to do Chakra work?