Ok Open, I've always been so analytical, analyzed everything to death. To me, death seems so easy, in fact I have paperwork in place so I won't be brought back if I die. It's the daily challenges, pain and such that cause me fear. I'll see if I can express this where it makes some sense.

Little i which I've identified with too strongly, obviously, has always been controlled and stood up one day and said No More! So I'm driven to control every little aspect of my life. But that would be ego. The internal feeling is one of being helpless, very angry at feeling so helpless and that's very scary. I'm so mad at all these things that have brought me to my knees, that I can't fix or control even with my huge level of stubborness.

I believe I created my injury because it's something I can't control, or the filling that fell out of my tooth and left a gaping hole, broken tooth shredding my cheek, (although the dentist did smooth out the rough edges for free when I saw him to find out what it would cost to fix things) the vehicle issues happening that could strand me on the road, helpless. I almost can't face how agonizing those things feel, to be helpless. So I think now I need to dig into those feelings of helplessness or I'll stay stuck.

I still have signs and synchronicity but creativity has been stuck. Soul wants to break out and do things differently with an easy flow, and that can't happen with Control at the wheel, so it needs to get out of the way. I didn't analyze what's coming up now, it just popped up that helplessness is the root of these things happening to me. It's the thing I need to feel into and become one with or the One that is the real me stays in the background. I think I finally see the difference between accepting vs. transcending.

So I've been working to get expenses paid off that come due this time of year, so I can join another 5 day zoom event with you in Jan. The advanced one. Am I ready for that course? I feel drawn to it.

Thank you for all the reflections that help open my eyes.

Sherri