I hear tantrums and a whole lot of heaviness. I hear that perhaps Barb might not have been heard when she was young. There might have been tantrums because you had not been met by your mother or those caring for you in a way that held you in comfort and understanding. Upstairs there is a frustrated example.

In your space, maybe, playing with spontaneity looks like taking each pan dropping or heavy footstep above as a cue to turn on some empowering music and sing and dance FOR YOU and your expression. I hear you frustrated one up there. Let me move some energy around in my space to clear my field and get in touch with my feelings. No projections toward the neighbor only an acceptance of joining forces with yourself. Baby steps in empowerment.

I hear 'endure,' 'useless' and 'stay neutral.' That sounds like efforting.
What does flipping the heaviness with music or song to reclaim your space look like for you? It is like that stupid loud truck outside making horrendous noise. First step: The window can be closed. Second step: Realize that trying to ignore it only makes it worse. Third step: Directing your attention to a way to move with the noise instead of rejecting it.

I am right there with you, looking at every nook and cranny for my faults and my mistakes. Personally, these days I am leaning heavily on JOY through blasting uplifting music, caring very little if anyone is annoyed and singing loudly in my car. If someone knocks on the door to ask that the music be turned down, invite them in or show them how much fun you are having.