Hi Open,

What if there's no specific thing to commit to in the immediate landscape? How do one find commitment, excitement and enthusiasm? I could say some of these qualities are missing except maybe seeing them in the smallest things like cooking a new dish, playing badminton, waking up early and meditating etc.
That I said earlier about committing to an endeavour still feels to me like 'beating my head blindly in brick wall' only because I can't fully trust that I will have enough to carry my weight in this journey.
What you said shed light on a pattern of mine which is attaching myself to the expansiveness of the soul. Often there is the need and putting extra energy in 'achieving' that. I mean what else out there could replace this feeling. When I'm in that there is the determination not be engaged in anything unless it comes from the soul. Even if that means being a failure in others eyes. Maybe I'm invited to find self worth beyond the opinion of others and my own expectation of how I'm supposed to be. Not denying that I have fair degree od self doubt and often it takes some trigger on the outside for me to chase the same old habits once again. But still there's coming back to this feeling once again.

I don't like to be comfortably numb in the same way of doing things and I find the possibility of innovation through small steps in relationships and general living circumstances.