Thank you for the helpful feedback Open.

What came up as I read was the question, "Why am I giving so much energy to relationships that feel emotionally unsupportive?"

This is clearly a layer to work through as there are triggers and trauma in this place . Seems also the feeling of emotional isolation is more bearable (though I am struggling with it) than the alternative of material isolation...In a way I am accepting emotional invalidation in place of experiencing material destitution - fed by the fear of not being supported by life (so I depend on others). In truth, I am not a victim of it - it seems it is a control mechanism to avoid the potential of the larger pain. I may not be ready to face that, but I can stay honest about it with myself. And clearly there is work to be done on both planes (sacral and root- emotional and material)

Thank you for the feedback -it's helped clarify what's happening!