Thank you so much Maria ,Open and Richard for this thread .

I am in healthcare too Maria and I face many of the issues you do. For much of my medical training and even afterwards I was completely in lock down. My internal experience and it's external expression seemed to be completely at odds . I often fantasised fanta doing Integrative Medicine - seemed to resonate much more with me but the Universe basically caught me by the scruff of my neck and planted me here 😀😀😀.I ''woke up" after my father's death and reconized the value of surrender ,without surrendering my integrity. This is a moment by moment exploration of course. In my work ,I am fortunate to be almost entirely independent. And so I am able to work with a lot of heart and push the envelope so I am doing much more kind and intuitive medicine( with excellent results !) . Probably doesn't impact the matrix very much - I am after all working in a very small hospital with very few babies . At one level I like that relative anonymity - makes me feel safe.

As far as judgements are concerned the level of projection and judgement has immensely spiralled in the last couple of years .I recognize that I am shining my soul obviously a lot more in the last two years. I am living ,in many aspects very true to my soul so it's inevitable I suppose. I have been attacked for literally just being who I am - I am still learning to undo my own unconscious judgements instead if getting into altercations and fight or flight mode .

For me ,I look at it literally moment at a time. I focus on being centred and loving inside my own heart and with each patient just being a Presence. I give very little medicine ,much more time and space . I try to connect with all of the families at a very heart level . Sometimes works ,sometimes doesn't. I look at each interaction as an opportunity . Even my patients are starting to select themselves - I feel like everyone that comes to my small hospital was meant to meet me and interact with me for that small time ,as I was meant to meet with them . And of course unravel any tightness ( for me it's often about appearing perfect ,being trusted ,self doubt)

I recently ran away into the mountains for just the sort of retreat you describe.It was a lovely break ,but the matrix is definitely my karma bhoomi ( the space to enact karma) for now .

Thanks to all of you !