i am afraid that everything i fear i will cause them to happen. i first felt 'his' presence (i say his cause i have an image in my mind) before i knew about opposing consciousness.and i remember i felt that 'he' has been following me for a while. And i thought it was crazy and these things dont happen. but they do. so what if the things i am afraid they can happen, its possible to happen too? one reason i draw it is because it made me feel helpless and passive. i was under his influence and i couldnt do anything about it because he was the strong one and i was the victim (i still feel that but not as i used to). until i faced it and i realised 'he' is afraid too. the more i wasnt afraid the more he was showing off his power. and it was ok. i felt strong although i was in pain. i still feel fear but now i am not gonna run.
one thing i dont know how to deal with is the fear of not being in control of my self. i have this picture in my head that if i let go and open my heart 'something' may come in. and i wont have the control (literally). this may not even be possible and it may just be in my mind. but it feels i have felt it before, i cant exactly explain because i havent but its like i know how it feels. same way i knew about that presence. so unless someone can assure me that this wont happen, i cant get into it. this is different from getting into the pain. i cant risk to get into that fear because even though i know now that they are powerless if you are not afraid, i still have that fear. and i may cause it to become real.
there are other reasons too but i think i know how to work with them, except the one i described above.

Thanks
Vaso