For some days I’ve been having reflections of a karmic lifetime that I’d previously worked with, but clearly another layer was making itself known.

I’d had reflections, emotional reactivity, and later, visions, that the aspect in question was being responsible for another’s death by signing a death warrant. Although this has come up before, I came to realise that I was holding on to it, with various elements such as a fear of ‘the wrath of god’ and ‘a divine right to rule’ & strong feelings associated with that.

I noticed that I was unable, or more likely unwilling to let it all go. In feeling into it, I realised that I was deliberately causing suffering to myself because I wanted to punish myself for what I perceived I’d been responsible for in that lifetime.

Although I’ve worked with this layer now, it feels like there’s more there that will come up. It feels right at the surface at the moment so I’m sure it will make itself known shortly. It also feels like it’s possibly linked with the old construct around religious belief, but also there’s a sense of truth in being sovereign and ‘being the sovereign’ as they are one in the same. It’s confusing but also not confusing at the same time. I don’t know how else to explain it and I’m not sure it makes sense when putting words to it.

But this enquiry has made me wonder how often we consciously (or unconsciously) hold on, causing ourselves suffering as a form of self-punishment for playing the role of protagonist.

Perhaps there’s an element of feeling unworthy to step into our true power because of those perceptions and the damage we perceive we have caused? Or maybe that’s just my own experience.

Nikki