This is what happens when one tunes into the energy of an Openhand gathering. Things begin to really stir… and I mean REALLY stir. I just went into quite a deep process and since I'm in a full-disclosure mode I might as well let things roll:

Looking close at relationships – the need to keep the other attached feels so heavy in my body… I find myself energetically in a dark and cold forest… I’m holding on to a partner, holding hard, inflicting pain, I really can’t let go! Feeling the other’s pain, “but I need you! I'll put you on a pedestal and I'll cherish you”.., a possibility of releasing the grip to see what happens presents itself.

It takes a while as tears roll down my face… releasing very slowly… immediate crushing pressure in the chest… here it is: feeling abandoned by God. It’s a massive grief. I stay with it, try not to look away this time, it is hard to breathe… past lives begin to weave their energy and I see clear images of cruelty and abandonment, but it is me who is abandoning! Staying with what's happening, staying with the others’ suffering. Breathing slowly, trying to make more space for the wholeness of these experiences. Honoring the others’ pain, asking for forgiveness and a sense that there is nothing to forgive.

The guilt and pain of abandonment are collapsing into each other. I’m back in the dark forest, it is easier to breathe, but there is still a hint of resentment at God. I have to go back into the experience. Show me! Tightness in the upper chest and throat. Here it is….pride, the need to be special. I sit with that, more past lives are playing out. There is an invitation to let go of pride. I soften into it as well as I can without expectations. I’m back in the dark forest. I am. It doesn’t matter where or what experience is occurring, I still am!!!!

Namaste.

M.

PS. Hi Erica, your words are like a stream of fresh water... keep talking.