Thanks for sharing marije. Interestingly I resonate to all of your posts. It's comforting to know that I'm not alone in my feeling. Maybe we are all collectively feeling into a deeper part of reality at the same time. I'm feeling deep into a feeling of rejection triggered by an incident in the outside. All the familiar feelings has rushed to the surface mainly that of not being good enough, not having done anything in this world, regret of having stepped onto a path less travelled. Yes it would have been easier living the old reality. At least in the beginning I thought, this is building onto something. But on the contrary its breaking down. The things I so believed as true one day is being shattered painfully the next day. The mind forms justification of why the feelings I feel are true and thus should be sustained. On the other hand, there's another belief that this is exactly what should happen. Atleast I'm challenging myself and what I believe. Also the feelings I mentioned has amplified or does it feel like that. I'm sure it emanates from some deep karma and it's likely to stay for a while. I believe it's also connected to how I can't support myself alone in this world.

I also get questioned by those around very frequently and only yesterday I saw myself diverting the attention from myself to the other person thus not being easily vulnerable. When I'm feeling expanded and self accepting these doesn't seem to affect me at all as I find the courage to just laugh and tell my story. My mind sometimes creates ready answers to use when time comes but I think it's just another protective mechanism and finally there's no short cut to vulnerability.

Btw I'm also doing intermittent fasting after a long break doing just lunch and dinner. It's a another question that I get asked. Isn't breakfast the most important meal of the day? Lol. I'm a bit relieved to find out that my weight has stayed the same way last few weeks.

Take care

Vimal