Hi Jen, Open, Megha.

Dear Jen - you feel like a soul sister to me. Every time you share something it’s like you’re writing an excerpt from my own life.

The dark side, yes, I know it well - too well. And it knows me, my power. The power which I’m desperately trying to bury, so I will not be tempted to misuse it again. The line is so thin, it’s but a sheer almost transparent veil, so easily crossed. From early childhood I also had this feeling that there was something essentially wrong with me. That I was bad somehow. When I was 3, I asked my mother if I was a witch. I’m so glad my mother remembers this, because it’s proven to be a clue into a past life that’s emerging for me now - as a witch! (And no, NOT the good kind)

Open, I have so much to tell you that relates to this past life experience, but I need some time to put it all together. The clues started dropping during the Intensive in Köln and keep coming...

Your dream, Jen - so powerful! The bleeding from the womb that you describe hits me like a punch in the gut. Reminding me of all my miscarriages. Sometimes feeling cursed. Unexpected uncontrollable bleeding from the source of life. Unable to hold on to it. Life and death blending together in my own body. I also had a dream a few months ago. I had just had a major breakthrough, in which I realised I could rewrite the story of my entire childhood, thus creating a whole new base for my inner and outer experience. It was immensely empowering! Shortly after that I had this dream and the day after I felt I had entered a new playing field. I felt it in my entire being. I became aware of the presence of a new energy and I saw a new even bigger battle approaching. One that would require a whole different strategy than the one that had worked for me before. It was the Black Snake.

My dream:

I was between destinations, meaning I had just left a place and I was on my way home, but had been delayed and was for an unknown reason temporarily stuck in an unknown place in central Europe for a few days (sounds a lot like Köln 😄). I was staying in an apartment I didn’t recognise but was my habitat for the time being. Suddenly, I discovered my mobile phone was missing. I tried to retrace my steps, in order to find it, when I remembered I had put it in the pocket of my coat. When I went to look for it, I discovered that my coat was missing as well. It became clear to me that I hadn’t simply lost my phone. If the coat, which I hadn’t used was missing, then it had clearly been stolen, along with my mobile phone. I immediately knew this was personal and that my phone had been stolen for a reason. Without my phone, I was disconnected from everything. I couldn’t call home for help. I couldn’t check my itinerary for my flight details or other useful information that would help me get out of there. I also knew that this thief was coming for me, and stealing my phone was a way of disconnecting and disarming me before coming after me.

Lo and behold, a mean looking man barges through the door and attacks me. He comes at me with speed and force and throws knives at me. I am able to defend myself against the knives by using my hands to divert them, but I realise I can’t do this forever, so I start to run. A long hunt begins, through all kinds of places in the unfamiliar city where we’re at. My enemy hunts me down, and I escape. Again he hunts me down, and again I escape. Over and over in a strange never ending cat and mouse game. We’re each equally good at what we do, so none of us can beat the other. I can’t hide from him, but he can’t catch me. Eventually, I get tired of the game and I stop running. There is nowhere for me to hide, and there is no way for him to catch me, so the whole thing becomes pointless. The moment I stopped running, the whole scene changed.

Suddenly, we are in a big room with lots of other people engaged in some social gathering, a party or something. As this change happened, the energy between me and my hunter softened significantly, and suddenly he was no longer a mean looking criminal, but a regular guy, quite attractive with a soft demeanour. There is a strange and intoxicating mutual attraction between us and he begins to speak his mind. He admits that he is attracted to me and has strong feelings for me. That I am the only one out of all these people (referring to the people in the room) who could see him and understand him, and therefore he was drawn to my presence. I felt this too. I, as well, was attracted to him, because he saw me and recognised me in a way no one else seemed to. There was a strong feeling of the classical impossible romance. Two people experiencing a deep affinity for/with one another, but never being able to be together, because they each belong to two opposing sides that simply cannot merge. And as much as we both longed for the presence and recognition of the other, we both knew, he had to stay with the dark, and I had to stay with the light. But the battle between us was over, as we realised we were both longing for the same thing...

Keep exploring, Jen. I’m right there with you. I’ve been in a low and dark place lately and somehow your sharing made me feel a bit more hopeful. Thank you!

Lots of Love, ❤️

Anastasia