Dear Reka,
Your post just totally lit me up and I have to comment on it right away and without even thinking about it much. When you talk about Kali, I feel her fire erupting inside my being. I have this recurring dream of magma flowing through my veins and then it spreads and that wakes me up. It is such a strange and exhilarating feeling. I deeply and intimately know this pointy energy and the destroyer at times.

I often wondered, how can there be so much lightning-like fire in a female and thought I was all wrong. I set a goal last year to “become more feminine, more watery” to discover that I already am that, while being this fiery creature at the same time. How is this possible?! I became very puzzled. I feel you’ve just provided an important piece of the puzzle, Reka. Together with the archetypes and distorted and pure feminine (and masculine), it finally feels right-er and I breathe with a relief. With this comes a sense that I can let go even more, express more and direct my fire with more acceptance. It just occurred to me, acceptance is a water quality and I feel now that water and fire can coexist together without choking one another, without it being "either or" kind of choice.

I do not know much about the archetypes, but I recognize expressing some that you mentioned. They come out more fully recently as my self judgement weakens. Sometimes I feel an action to be utterly skewed, and yet it so wants to be enacted. The expression may be an exaggerated distorted behaviour or a really right one (this usually feels like time slows and I'm in the moment).

The urge to express reminds me of my labours when I was pushing my babies out. During a contraction you just can't not to push and it is so painful, but at the same time the push provides such a relief. Perhaps us females are now invited to give birth to something where each push is an expression of either the distorted or the pure energy? Maybe it doesn't even matter what we're expressing as long as we're enacting what wants to come through? Perhaps it has something to do with the mystery of transmutation and clearing? I certainly feel this arising inside of me.

And into the fire
I'm reunited
Into the fire
I am the spark
Into the fire
I yearn for comfort

Open the doors that lead on in to Eden
Don't want no cheap disguise
I follow the signs marked back to the beginning
No more compromise

I will stare into the sun until its light doesn't blind me
I will walk into the fire until its heat doesn't burn me
And I will feed the fire

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ar6a1pkiGf8

Margaret