Hi Open,

I would like to respond to the invitation and share what I'm dealing with, at this moment. In the feeling sense it comes across as abandonment. And what's more to it - that there is no particular trigger or something "out there" that would abandon me. Just that feeling of being dropped at the hidden corner of the Universe and working my way out towards finding some familiarity to my beingness. But hey, I've been climbing out with considerable engagement and I might have wronged myself with the illusion, that there has been some progress.

So what are the reflections that I've been drawing to myself?

I am witnessing Souls that are mesmerized by "my presence", but don't really know how to engage with it. Some of the awakening people might only be able to twist it, so as to fit within the "spiritual half-truths" that they believe in. And for those, that mostly operate within the program of human conditioning, I am recognized as the "wasted potential". Someone that had it all and was meant to succeed, but failed miserable in the woods... Obviously, the (non)manifested capacities of my previous human engagements, still touch me to a degree. It's been a process of learning how to withdraw from human connections that asked for my "spiritual energy" just to feed the particular agenda.

At least, I am blessed to connect with the partner that can comfortably sit with me in the open field of presence. So there's been some progress, after all.

I recognize particular distortions in regards to those reflections. "Fallen spiritual guide", strong imposter syndrome on the Ray 6. Not that I ever consciously wanted to be spiritual teacher in this lifetime, but there's definitely been the tendency to avoid human conflicts by (prematurely) drawing into the bubble of spiritual enlightenment. It's been the conscious choice for me all along the way, as buddhist would say: "Wear the mask of enlightenment until you would recognize, that you can not take it off anymore." Is it about time?

There is also a sense of broken-heartedness with it all. As, if I have expected the human life and its evolutionary journey to be something else, rather than what is being perceived through my current lenses. There just doesn't seem to be harmonious space and resolution for everyone on board. It makes me feel incapable of blending my own Truth with it all. Is there truly a way through the Eye of a needle?

So back to my karmic feeling - how do I abandon myself in the given moment?

It feels like there is still some of the burden/heavy load, that I carry within myself. There is part of me, that is in the need of empathizing with the amount of suffering happening out there in the world. I hear that voice - "Stop complaining, you opted for that red pill and now take the consequences, along with everyone else on that journey". And therefore in those subtle moments of human interaction, I tend to withdraw myself. It still feels more safe to simply blend with the energy of another and deny the impulses coming from the Soul.

What I could truly feel within this blockage is mostly the yearning to gather the momentum in order to fully liberate myself. There is at least some sense of hope that I would eventually be met by the feeling of Soul family and "taken out of here". If only, I am able to stretch my hand far enough from that "abandoned corner of the Universe", that Life had thrown me into.

There is a quote from your last post that speaks strongly into my process of dealing with karma.

Right now I'm leading we're amidst an Openhand Facilitator Conference

Often times on my journey I'm not sure, whether I'm leading my karmic processing or is it just happening through me, in connection to all of those that are in the same boat on this journey. How much does it matter to have an answer, as long as the unravelling is taking place?

I am off to planting trees, that's currently the closest reflection in bringing some of my energy to the epitome of processes I tend to be engaged into. 🌱

Thanks for activating some of those inquiries within me and I wish you a fruitful completion of the gathering.

Miha 🌳