Its really inspiring to read your experiences and your honest feelings Kim and Jen. And I really relate, especially to the need to control and reacting angrily.
My daughter can be extremely particular and strong headed, and often doesn't listen as she is in her own little world. This triggers a lot of tightness in me, and I often act unconsciously with anger. Unfortunately, she is still a little too young to ask her questions about consequences. I also have to deal with the fact that it is normal in Austria to give children sweet things regularly throughout the day, and it often means that she gets a lot of sugar and not so much nutrition.
It seems like a slow journey sometimes, but I'm gradually beginning to drop the need to outwardly control these situations, although they still make me tight inside. I hope i can process it all properly while the kids are still young. Keep at it eh?
Richard