Thanks for these explorations Open, they reflect, as always, something I've been experiencing. I no doubt have help, so long as I'm on the path and not over-indulging in games and movies etc and avoiding the work. It helps to be reminded that screen time is harvest time so gratitude for that reminder.

I'm getting better at knowing when I receive it. I'm always grateful because it shows me what I could do further down the road, and how amazing it all can be as I strip off the distorting layers. But I always say " I'm grateful but I know that wasn't me that did it and hope I can do it myself one day." So still dependent but also assured I can get to that place of Independence where I can let go of the paternal hand and take my own steps. This morning during a typical 'attack' I brought my attention to my throat and focussed on the breath and relaxing and this time I was 'in' myself which I've not been able to do and it felt peaceful and empowering and though I didn't feel the energy I'm sure I was getting help and it was that feeling of gratitude but knowing it's to learn to event ally do it myself. Like that Birdie song 'Holding your head up'. To know someone is there who cares and knows the way and doesn't judge you is an incredible gift indeed. There's been resistance but that just shows what needs realigning and not once has that doubter/nay-dayer been able to refute the truth or find any fault.

On a sombre note but important discovery, I think I'm tuned into the work going on over there in Wales because it's become clear to me that perhaps the entity that's been lurking in my field is the energy of the person who was my biological father but has since past. I believe he's been piggybacking on my energy. Ive noticed it before but didn't feel it lately, although I still very pointedly avoid looking at myself when undressing and showering because it feels like someone is watching. Today I did silent Chakra toning with the help of a recording. I was able to connect with the heart for a momentwhich was wonderful, again I think it's from tuning into the retreat. Later after I was done and had had breaky, I was thinking about the former father and some negative attachments I still have to some behaviours and suddenly noticed a feeling like someone had their hands around my throat and were squeezing. My jaw was tight and it felt like something in my ear was pulling along a thread attached to my jaw. I also suddenly could smell a strong ammonia odour which was typical. It became clear to me it was probably him getting angry for calling him out. Even now I feel that same pressure and tightness. Also iin my forehead. Also the words "dirsh hooboo(sp)" came up which is basically a way to say "shut your mouth" in Czech. I have no interest in condemning but I've made it known I absolutely do not accept having this energy invade my space but it doesn't seem to respect that. I have said repeatedly I don't want it here and it has to go but it still seems to be there. I'm not sure what else to do short of an exorcism lol. I know I've invited it in many times because one can't help an emotional attachment and I struggle with loneliness. But it's time to put an end to this, I just don't know how. Would be appreciative of advice if felt to.

Deeply deeply grateful for everything Open, from the bottom of my heart.