Hi Open, been zoned out this am and noticed it as i started reading this so brought myself into more focus and the chills really started to activate in my head reading all this! I really resonate with it all. Yesterday i wanted to post about my experiences but ego fear of being wrong stopped me. I still get so emotionally wounded when I get it wrong, and deeply yearn to overcome it. I want to be okay with not getting it yet and making a fool out of myself which I'm still so attached to. It just still hurts very much and I know it was something passed down to me from my father, poor fella. Who knows what he suffered.

In regards to yesterdays post I have been having all the symptoms you mentioned, pressure in the head, tinnitus, can't sleep though exhausted, feeling at times I'm going mental, and this feeling like i need to 'bust out, break free', like a race gorse champing at the bit. But I dont feel like I'm anywhere near the consciousness yet to experience kundalini. Last year maybe but not this year, feels like i've back-stepped. Ive had jolts of energy from the base before but that was a couple years ago. I do feel like awareness peeks out occasionally but gets quickly smothered by I'm assuming entities or intervention. I just go into this dull, foggy haze of barely conscious. Admittedly what I eat has a huge impact on this too and I guess they take full advantage. When my belly struggles, it really takes so much energy out of me. That ties in to the previous post on cravings which I'm staying conscious of.

What really affected me was reading about the expectation of outcomes, and realizing how freeing it would be to accept that whatever does happen, so long as i'm flowing authentically, that whatever happens will be the exact right thing to happen. I'm beginning to embrace that because i'm seeing it in retrospect in my own journey. And seeing how despite the challenges which I rail against, I see how truly incredibly blessed i am and that those challenges really truly are my soul looking to find liberation. Becoming so grateful because i'm starting to see where i can go being free of all these hangups. Exciting stuff!

And I just love your sense to always turn right into the discomfort. Ive always been the runner and avoider, so having the courage to embrace the opposite would be exhilarating! At this point though I feel i still need to work on the foundation because i still get caught in the same old loops of unconscious reactivity. But I wonder if beating my head against the wall isnt the best way to break through it? Keep repeating the same unconscious behaviours, which I'm getting much quicker at seeing albeit still after the fact, until I choose different. Until I finally can stay with it. The foundation i want to build is the connection to the flow so I dont go unconscious and instead stay with the uncomfortable moment (like Tilly and the fisherman and Ella and the woman) and let it resolve itself out through me in the highest way, as you say. Thats where I need courage, to not run away or bite or people-please as i usually do. I saw a video where the fella said the reason many of us cant change is because of a disregulated nervous system and that makes sense. The reason I go unconscious, otherwise known as dissociative disorder in MH circles, is because thats how i learned to cope with situations that were too overwhelming for me to bear at the time. Would be very appreciative of your thoughts on overcoming this.

'The truth will set you free' words are so important and empowering because it is a place i'm beginning to grow with and i am choosing to accdept myself despite all my imperfections. Perfectly imperfect and being so very okay with that. Speaking of empowering, I 'rode the rails' yesterday, which is for me right now to take scenic bus rides, and I kept seeing vans with 'M Power' on them. To stay empowered despite whatever gets thrown at me. To be open and vulnerable and still empowered. That's a flight I want to make. Am I ready to be pushed?

As an aside, it was such a high energy day yesterday, did anyone else notice? I saw these incredible clouds, with vibrant violets, blues and greens, and they had this texture I can't quite describe expect to say soft, but flat. I wondered if it was star beings so i gave them thanks. Then i kept seeing spirals everywhere, a bush spiraling down and a bunch of spiral clouds, and then later this huge upwards cloud spiral that looked very similar to your representation of the torus. Lots of angel feathers too. Such a wonderful journey.

Much thanks and love, Barb