Dear Erica,
You are holding a lovely space with your consciousness. It feels to me so soft and gentle. I so relate to the sense of rightness when allowing my soul to be channelled. It is such a warm feeling and there is no effort in it... Yes, I too find no need for an immediate gratification. The sense of service is also becoming stronger and with that the perspective on the "work" shifted as well. All is more fluid and there is no need for a rigid plan to be put into place. The notion of creating a mental fixed plan seems silly.

Funny that you mentioned the moldavite and its properties. I have a moldavite neckless that I haven't worn for over a year. It is very special to me, but somehow I managed to forget about it. Recently, it's been faintly falling in and out of my conscious mind. I put it back on today and it feels right.

I feel like sharing about the physical pain I've been experiencing recently:

The word “sensorium” is a really good expression. It means the sum of a person’s perceptions about the internal and external world. It seems us humans are mostly preoccupied with the external environment, except when the pain bends us in a half. This just happened to me.

I spent the night at an emergency hospital unit, experiencing excruciating surges of pain in the chest. It was very unsettling because the pain arranged itself so that it resembled symptoms of a well known cardio-vascular condition...I forgot how challenging it can be to honour the raw physicality of the experience and allow it’s fullness to emerge. We are incredible beings and yet I am confronted with the sense of fragility of this embodiment yet again. This has always been a challenge for me hhh...

At the hospital, in a moment between the pain surges, it occurred to me that the physical pain, the vulnerability, the raw somatic experience are a reminder of how alive I am. ALIVE! Pain is an expression of life. It is an experience, just like feeling heat on my skin is an experience. It has different qualities, than other experiences, but they are all unique anyways. I was quite contracted, but somehow the sense of aliveness and warmth took over and I fell asleep on the narrow hospital bed.

I’m back home. The pain still comes and goes. The doctors couldn’t find anything wrong with my body. I am struggling a bit, but also holding space for the new heart that is weaving itself into form. I'm also almost ok with the old one wanting to fall apart a little more.

M.