Hi Soumya,

When I read your post first time, where you describe how you feel, it felt very familiar to me. And during the day, I had a few flashbacks to my experiences several years ago. It reminded me of what I have gone through, and I can share as a reflection, if I may?

My sense is that it could be the strong flow of the creative energy as you are opening up more and more to the soul’s creative nature. I know you have many extraordinary gifts, and this is what may happen when we have such gifts suppressed for many years. The energy begins flowing more strongly as we work to purify ourselves and shed off layers of distortions. The problem is that the energy is not waiting until we are ready to express our gifts out into the world. It is here, now! However, if we don’t have an appropriate vehicle for the expression, it may lead us to feel as though it could “blow the roof off.” In my case, it wasn’t anger, but I can recall the emotions pressing from the inside, and I just didn’t know what to do with myself. Exactly like you say, “caged tigress”. Same as you, I was screaming into the cushion, wriggling like a snake on the bed. I was dancing like crazy, in nine sweats, at the end of the day, just before going to bed. It helped me to release emotions, yet… the different expression wanted to happen. For years, I had no clue what to do with all my “talents”.

Also, it could be rising (or activated) kundalini that’s causing such intense pressure. Again, kundalini is closely related to the creative power. As well as this could be because of the long-suppressed sexuality (especially in light of the taboos imposed on us by cultural dogmas). To my knowing, sexuality is, again, offspring energy of the same creative power.

Can you embrace your anger as a part of who you are? Screaming is a good release, but have you tried to paint your anger, to express this in a more creative form? We don’t need to showcase all our art pieces. I have tons of wasted paper with all manner of drawing, painting, and even kilograms of wasted yarn on mostly unfinished knitting and crochet projects. It’s all for the sake of internal healing.

You say:

“I'm getting triggered and feeling dense most days while the rest of the people are in lightness and express their passions clearly out into the world.”

Over the years, I realised one thing, and it's this: everyone can see when you're flying, but no one knows what you have gone through to be able to lift off from the ground and learn to fly… From my experience, very few, if any at all, achieved the true lightness without embracing the challenges, both internal and external. It requires unwavering dedication, immense patience, and countless attempts. It requires sitting in the unresolved and becoming friends with ourselves in that. Then one day you will take off and fly. In your own unique way.

I wish it would help you to find the right expression.

With love, care and compassion,

💜 Asya