Hi Open,

Seems a challenging yet deeply rewarding experience, and I'm grateful to you for bringing us along. The 'rain on the parade' was awesome ("Eywa has heard you!") and the picture of the anu cloud amazing! My own learning continues apace, seeing me slide back into the muck of my resentments and viciousness. But thanks to karma, I was shown myself, and with the bow and help from the ether, managed to at least get out of the muck, though it's still close. It's a balance of not allowing myself to dwell in that ugliness while still working with it in the hopes I can clear more and more of it. Themes of shame and self-forgiveness are at the fore, and the acknowledgement that ultimately everything is a choice. I want to choose better and higher for myself, but there is a lot of muck to clear, including the argument of worthiness. I have to believe it to achieve it. A visit from Turkey vulture (I was reading and felt compelled to look out the window and he swooped right by an opening in the tree at that moment) is to me a message from the higher realms that a time of cleansing, rebirth and renewal is at hand, and vulture will assist. I simply must let go of the habit of lashing out, especially in my thoughts, when I'm not feeling well. It's exactly as you and Joy say: "Own that shit!!!". But also letting go of resentment, and seeing how your ego clings like a miserable king, to your own self-righteousness. Who knew resentment would be one of my worst habits! But the core wound, at least of this lifetime, is seen. And vulture coming to me is so heartening and a good sign I, and everyone who truly wants better, is worthy of support and the new beingness they crave but seems so out of reach in those low moments. A couple days ago I was emerging from sleep and having some conversation (I talk a lot in my sleep!) along the lines of "i want that connection with my higher self, I want to do what it takes" and for a moment I had it! It was that overwhelming feeling of joy and being home that makes me giggle with delight even now. Such a relief, like a light gets switched on and all the crap you've been holding onto is just gone, and you feel so full and complete and light and excited to experience everything. It's there, always there, just waiting for me to quit fooling around and get on with it. And in that place there is no question of worthiness and no need of being forgiven, because you already are, and are. But so easy to forget when you allow yourself to slip back into old habit and beliefs. So lots of climbing (and falling) ahead, but sure not going to hang around at the base anymore. I will surely slide a thousand times, but I will climb a thousand and one times. Deepest gratitude to you for showing the way! barb🙏