Hi Open, so further to this post, I started an inquiry into where I was 'failing' in my approach to processing my stuff. I copied the 9 processes for working through karma and have it on my wall above my desk now. I've been looking deeper into each step, while looking at what I was doing with that step during triggers. Turns out I'm getting to #3 and then when I start to feel better from the purging and acknowledgement, that's when I get up and go on with my day, genuinely thinking I've made progress. I've not been even trying to break through with presence, or any of the other steps beyond #3. I've been believing that I just haven't got through enough to be able to go deeper, or have done enough purging, not realizing I was stunting my practice. I blame it on my ADD (there's literally a song that says that☺️) where I skim over information thinking I got it when I don't. So while I make it seem like I know what I'm doing I don't actually. It's like the chakra attuning; for quite awhile I was doing it 'wrong' as in not the OH way that's taught. And yes I've noticed a big difference now I'm doing it the right way. So it's time I face another truth: I have learning disabilities and must take the time to fully explore every aspect of a process and ask questions until I'm sure I truly understand it. Also, I believe I tend to want to skip over the details and get to the fun stuff. This is a liberating realization. Another one is realizing I've been feeling out of my league with the high levels of intelligence in this community and not wanting to be seen as the dumb one, so I hide it with my decent ability with use of language and ignore whether I'm actually understanding, thinking I can figure it out later on my own. This is not a fully conscious behaviour either. It's what I've been doing my whole life I think, due to trying to gain my father's acceptance. Like Jen recently mentioned, I too have 'performance anxiety', but mine is about not wanting to look foolish. I see how I do myself and my soul a great disservice with this behaviour. Of all places i should not be feeling judged here. Of all places i should feel safe to be myself, faulty brain and all. Of all places I should know I am accepted for who I am. So glad I finally figured this out. I feel like now I can finally get started. Thank you for the motivation and push in the right direction! Much love and gratitude, barb