Thank you Open for this wake-up call. Things have become overwhelming in my life and it seems as soon as I start to feel like I'm getting a handle on it, the attacks and energies ramp up. I confess to calling on archangels and saints to help me out of my situation. I've yet again regressed to a child who is terrified and alone. I do one quick Chakra attunement and then I cower and beg for relief. But after reading this I did a Chakra toning video on YT while holding soil I keep in an iron dish. It seems to help calm me and is the only way to ground in my current situation. But I'm not sure if it's really grounding me in my base? I will look into further practices to help this.

The extra focus on each Chakra with tones seemed to settle me too. Am I just being impatient? Letting them scare me away from my own beingness? It's frustrating because I can't seem to get anywhere with it. I keep reading growth is slow but the discomfort is so overwhelming; I'm not sure what to do. I can't seem to sit within for long. I keep reaching for stimulus and distraction and entertaining the fear because part of me thinks if I'm always prepared for the worst it won't be so bad. Ironically I'm too afraid to let go of the fear.

I would feel better about the whole thing if I felt I was getting somewhere with the unraveling of my past and my karma. But it seems like I haven't changed or grown a bit. Maybe I'm not working on it enough? I see and understand things more clearly but it only seems on a mental level. I am frustrated and frankly feel quite pathetic I'm still allowing myself to be overpowered and imprisoned yet again. Haven't learned enough humility. I have to keep reminding myself it's to overcome those feelings and find empowerement, but it's hard not to feel like a failure. I've always wanted the quick fix.

I know I need to move and free myself once and for all from my past and take full re ponsibility for my life without co-depency, but I also recognize this situation as what I need to do so. Just up and moving, again, will probably only just get me right back into the same situation again. But I keep ending up hiding again when it gets too hard. Anyway thank you again, this post has redirected me and I hope I can stay focussed on my inner beingness and start gaining some ground over this overwhelming fear of death, of life, of people. I still can't understand or reconcile how so many can be so ruthless and heartless. It scares me because I am still a child. Part of that child resists growth because I don't want to know how bad it is. It's all I can see these days. I don't know how to allow what's deeper to balance the fear. What a rollercoaster.

Gratitude and blessings to you and all, Barb 💙