Megha, this is a very touching sharing. I can almost visualise your beautiful, compassionate presence. Upon reading about your way of being as it is unfolding right now, I smiled with warmth feeling your presence in it very powerfully. It also reminded me of the inspiring words of my favourite poet David Whyte that complement Open's reflections above very potently and who writes about pain (first paragraph of a longer poem):

Pain is the doorway to the here and now. Physical or emotional pain is an ultimate form of ground, saying, to each of us, in effect, there is no other place than this place, no other body than this body, no other limb or joint or pang or sharpness or heartbreak but this searing presence. Pain asks us to heal by focusing not only on the place the pain is felt but also the actual way the pain is felt. Pain is a form of alertness and particularity; pain, against our will, is a way in.

Sending love