Hey Aspasia,

I do get attached to positive experiences and attribute this to how far im at the path etc. But i honestly think Spiritual junkie cannot be coined to describe my situation. This intense searching for the high experiences, i did a lot during my pre-awakening days. And the experiences you describe i believe can only be unlocked further down the path possibly gateway 3 if im right.I know im moving towards gateway 2. I think mine has to do with control and looking for security in an insecure world. Some days ago a friend of mine called me to say he had secured a central govt job. Even though i know its not a road i would ever take it made me feel bad, possibly because of my own insecurity and what others think of my situation. But when i compare to the recent past, i don't go into self doubt either regarding the same situation and dont feel the need to defend myself.

I really like this one by Open

"True empowerment is not about intentionally manifesting confidence and building supreme belief that things will go your way. In fact it's the very opposite. It's the absolute acceptance of NOT KNOWING how things will work out which finally unlocks the door of doubt and disbelief."

In one of your post, you wrote 'questioning the value of oneself'. I really liked this expression relative to self judgment. I'm actually seeing a lot of this questioning in very simple things. Its very subtle which i wasn't aware previously. Maybe i'm teaching the class and i see it as my inability to explain a very simple thing properly or maybe i'm cooking i cant get it right or i see the imperfections around and there it is. Its amazing when i see it i can let go of it. Some of the things i discuss with you or others here, i see it only after many days so i don't get the opportunity to give thanks.