I resonate with a lot of this, especially the sense of lagging behind and being out of body. In the absence of artificial highs, I look for escape wherever I can, to my detriment. At least twice in seperate exchanges I've felt my energy brought up but then clamped down at the crown, because I can't control or even notice (yet) that my energy wants to pop right out. Makes me giggle too because it's like being in a dryer and there's me squished up against my crown, like when someone gets squished up against a glass. But then it redirected back down with help from breath (and friends) and it felt light and free, and golden. That's shown me what i can do on my own if I work at it. No more running from myself, and a gentle nudge to get caught up with Gaia.

I like to say I'm always ten years too early (I want it NOW) and too late (give up much too quickly) for the prom. But that was just another way to give myself heck, and that's not ok anymore so where I am is where I am. But the incentive is now there to start moving forward, so thank you for the tips with the Chakra work.

Yesterday doing the last of the college prep maths and gazing, I once again found myself debating whether I actually should go o school and rejoin the fray, even though I only see it as a means. Is this really what soul wants? Can I afford the time this side-trip will take? Is this going to ignite my passion? I have a passion for learning yes, but when I'm in the job, the daily routine, will that help me express my full soul Ray harmonic? Or distract and derail me further? If I can't even tell at this point then the answer is simple: if I don't know then don't do anything. And then the "radical" idea (thanks to OH of course): what if I just TRUST. What if i just let go of the wheel and focus on clearing and reconnecting and learning how to stop interfering and hear her (which I do all the time just been ignoring her for so long it's become a bad habit; I'm dug in like a tic) and start following her? The feelings that come up standing at the head of this new path are electrifying. Fear of course, but exhilaration. Imagine the possibilities. And remorse for hurting and avoiding myself for so long. And more fear: will I finally stay the course his time, through thick and thin? Can I trust myself? I've been here before but never stay long. The clouds at this point gathered around Sol broodily, and made me think of what it would look like if an E.R. bridge portal appeared. A door is opening before me to guide me to higher dimensions. If I just let go. Maybe that's why I'm in apartment #9, the number for letting go. Standing at the precipice. Let's try something we've never done because frankly my dear, you should by now know after decades of thinking you had all the answers that your way just doesn't cut it. Even my little girl is seeing it now. The possibilities. And the thunderstorm I keep hoping for (why do storm clouds feel like home?) and the weather network keeps teasing for weeks, finally appears. And it feels like a celebration. When you are ready, when you open yourself and get out of your own way, what you need will be there, without effort or overthinking. Now where have I heard that before?...😉 TRUST. 🙏