The tower block dreams

Ok so i feel to explore my on going tower block dreams that have been recurring for years. No matter what I go through they seem to emerge, at least once or twice a week. I'll write a little about it and if anyone senses something, please share :)

I've drawn quite a few 'tower block' experiences in life. My nan and grandad used to live in a big council high rise in Peckham, I spent a lot of time there. Also when I lived as a student in Amsterdam they housed us in these two huge council blocks that faced each other. I've had a bit of a fascination with what you could call slums and areas of deprivation. I remember I had a job for a while working at the department of housing and used to go with the DG to visit the housing estates most neglected that needed funding. I'd feel very drawn to these places but go almost into a void like state when I was there. I know this could be reflective of working with the shadow. But it hasn't stopped. In the dreams there tends to be two high rise council buildings in different settings, I'm alone and live in one of them. I feel a strange mix of somehow allowing myself to be there and confusion - and have to pretty much dodge the people around me. I'm not looking for a way out, I accept it. These scenes I see are old - like I've seen them many many times. These dreams are grey and angular the tower blocks are bleak. I can't put my finger on the feeling that I have in these dreams - it's hard to put words round - it's like they are home but at the same time there's such a void like isolation, but it doesn't bother me too much. It could easily reflect the outer world and my part in it - but there seems to be more to it. I don't know why they continue. There is a sense of being ashamed of being there too.

Any reflections very welcome :)

Thank you k X

Comments

Hi Katie,

Actually I've come across a 'tower block' metaphor several times before in working with people.

How it's manifested is that layers of filtering in the psyche reveal themselves within the explorations. These seem to create 'layers of personality'. It's not necessarily that different personalities reveal (although that does happen too), it's much more subtle than that. So the best way to describe it, is loops of behaviourisms - or of beingness - that aren't fully integrated with the whole. So fragments of soul separate into these layers whenever something activates them.

At times I've witnessed these layers - the tower block - imploding, layer upon layer leading to temporary psychosis - but it's fine as long as one keeps picking up the threads of soul light and don't try to make sense of the fragmenting layers.

In your case, I feel to ask is there some aspect of your past that you've distanced yourself from? Clearly you have a very magical, otherworldy existence in Kiama. How did you manage to so effectively extract yourself from the suburbs of South London? Are there any old structures inside that you haven't yet fully broken down?

Sending love

Open <3
(PS - interesting synchronicity that your studio is set to be demolished!)

Thanks Open, (I realise you're on a workshop ~ really appreciate the reply).

I became very focused on the question. It's a great question for me.
I don't know how I so effectively 'extracted' myself (interesting word). There wasn't any planning and it felt like one stroke of 'luck' after another. But I can say I left some what in chaos, 28 weeks pregnant, and took a small amount of things. But since teenage years I was hardly there - I took off for the alpes then travelled until my mum got cancer and I came back for a period of about 6-7 years to be with her.

It was a huge ride because after I had kids, I watched the 5 gateways (lol) and 'I' internally combusted - thanks for that ;) but really since then it's been very hard to connect with the life I had there, I know my aunts and uncles would say I've distanced myself but it's a struggle to do the small talk, I feel like my dna family connection doesn't exist - part from my sister and dad. My cousin wrote to me this week and mentioned that I haven't been back in 9 years. I don't see why I should feel like I'm due to go back. I wasn't particularly close to them. I don't know, it's confusing. I don't feel like I have unfinished business there, maybe I have on deeper levels. You know my relationship with England particularly London and the land is not good, I feel really bad in my gut to even ponder it. But there's nothing in this life that's particularly led to that. Although I have had multiple scenes of experiencing some very heavy/ traumatic situations there.

I think I'm rambling a bit - but how can I resolve this? Do I have to go there and play the part friends and family want me to play. Maybe I should just be truthful and say I had a spiritual awakening and can't relate to any of you anymore. Sorry if I'm out of the play. We never really had 'real' relationships anyway. Gosh that feeling of others putting their expectations is disorientating, like I don't know how to play that game. Whilst it looks magical here, I've also navigated my way through 'hell' and back, can't I just be left alone now? That's kind of how I feel.

I'm not sure what to do with this - these dreams do indicate I'll need to look more deeply.

Thank you for listening. Much love - hope the workshop is going great. Big hugs to everyone there.

K X

Hi Katie,

I wouldn't say you have to actually go there, providing you can regress deeply enough into the karmic situations. Then again, there does seem to be a bit of a filter about the dear old UK - it's not that bad you know!

Open *OK*

Dear Katie,

Your sharing stirred an old memory. I also had a repetitive dream/vision of finding myself in a tower (in my vision there was only one). The tower had features of various places I lived in. The feel was that I forgot something very important there. There was a sense of restlessness as I couldn’t remember what it was. The tower “wanted” to fall apart, but there was something still alive there, something I had to find.

The following impressions came up when I read your sharing:
- Something ancient, lost, an old ruin-like structure, it is ready to collapse, except some parts of it are still unresolved (this can just be the association with my own experience)
- The sense of deprivation spiked up strongly, also the shame (of it?) and dissociation (going to a void-like state while visiting the places that were neglected)
- Neglect – might there be something within you that keeps being overlooked?

With love

Margaret

Hi Katie,

When reading your comments and the bit "my relationship with England particularly London and the land is not good,"........I felt much pain, trauma and heartache for you there, and then a retraction with the intensity [perhaps the retraction mine.]
Feels big and I guess ripe.

Love,
Jennaya xx

Hi Katie,

These words spike for me:

"There is a sense of being ashamed there, too."

"My cousin wrote to me this week and mentioned that I haven't been back in 9 years. I don't see why I should feel like I'm due to go back....Maybe I should just be truthful and say I had a spiritual awakening and can't relate to any of you anymore."

I'm feeling that the outer circumstances you describe point to inner questions that may be helpful to explore:

What part of myself lurking in the shadows can I no longer relate to?

How do I truthfully feel about hanging on to that part of me?

Am I truly honouring my feelings, or do I feel that I 'should' let go?

Thank you for sharing your journey and for providing a powerful mirror for me.

Wishing you well with this,

Much Love,

Cathy

I feel like talking so I'll get back to each of you, if that's ok. It feels like there's lots of layers here. I very much value each of what you have pointed to. Thank you. It's interesting it felt like Margaret was pointing towards ancient influences, Jennaya more recent karmic experiences, and Cathy with what the deal is now. Takes me on quite a trip!

Cathy when I focus on 'Am I truly honouring my feelings, or do I feel that I 'should' let go?' - It's tricky for me, I don't seem to have many feelings around it, I pretty much go empty, during this process it feels as though some of the hard drive got wiped. It's like I can't remember what the connections even felt like. That's why at times I questioned whether I'd experienced a walk in. But I do get a bit annoyed when I sense someone is trying to put their expectations on me - I feel like if only they knew, they should be handing me a medal for staying out the psyche ward rather than pestering me to fulfil roles (is that too honest an answer here). I guess I should find the compassion to understand that reality, and of course they will want connections, it's normal. But ultimately I know I will disappoint them, for me many family relationships seem to be based upon give and take, need, continuity, it's hard. So here are my questions: what's the point of continuing relationships that it's very likely I'll not be able to keep up with. And here's the elephant in the room: I have a sister in the UK I have yet to meet. My sister here in oz and I pretty much got a 'message' that she existed and she was traced. I'm really happy this has been unearthed but I don't feel like I want to play a role here either. I connect with her through emails but don't feel an urge to go see her. There's likely family expectations around that too. It would probably be good for her though wouldn't it? She has had a traumatic life, quite shocking. So - do I make a more of a connection with her even if I'm not really feeling it, because she almost needs it? It's confusing. Far out - if I don't feel it then what's the conversation about. A small part of me feels pain from not living up to how she would like it to be.

Jennaya - yes definitely. London has been a place of a lot of trauma, it came up for me quite quickly after awakening. You're right there's still a retraction within. I was exploring last night and I pictured a scene of a large version on myself smashing through the concrete with an axe, and pulling out the grid with these huge hands I had. Felt good :) It also led to a feeling of pain for the aboriginals here - all connected.

Margaret - your pointers took me far down the rabbit hole, it's hard to speak from there. It goes into the formless, I'll just be quiet with it. (hug)

Ahh so this tower has lots of layers. Thank you for helping me with it. Heart felt gratitude.

K xx

Dear Katie,

Thank you for sharing your feelings. This thread and everybody's input 's helping to loosen up something within me.

I felt like circling back as new feelings came into view after your response:

Ancient - very very old; the very beginning; close to the Source; an initial kink; the original "sin", no sense that this is a human or physical experience. I'm feeling an old thread connecting us both through this memory. It does't resemble any known experience.

I'll do the same as you... just sit quietly with it, no words, no need for an outcome... just space. Somehow, a relief and joy are coming to forefront, also a sense of a great importance. Also, when I tune into it, my body switches to a very high vibration and it is difficult for me to handle it (nausea). The importance of good nutrition can't be underestimated (I've been slacking recently)... :-o

Take care, everyone :-)

Margaret

Hi Katie,

I'm really glad to hear that our feedback helped. I relate to your journey around family expectations. For a time, I imprisoned myself in a tower of meeting those expectations. When I turned forty, I began to break free from the unhealthy confluence. It's been quite a journey since then of painful deaths and rebirths. In my early twenties, I was really fearful of ending up in a psych ward. Lots of old karma around this and around failing family in past lives, feeling guilt and shame and becoming overly responsible in this lifetime to compensate for those feelings. Like you, I managed to avoid the psych ward and eventually moved away to a beautiful, far away land, which helped. Transforming the energetic ties that remained has been tough. But I feel a much greater sense of peace and acceptance about all of this and am now able to speak openly and honestly to certain family members about my journey. And I'm vigilant about getting caught up in tangled expectations again. A few incidents have arisen these past few years to test my resolve. My warrior energy really kicked in but also anger which I've done my best to process.

x Cathy